All the Labels? Yummy Like Ice Cream Flavors

Attraction to women and attraction to men are at different ends of the gender spectrum. One of my interviewees is an 89-year-old gay man. “Back in my day, there were only gay men and lesbian women. We didn’t know any difference then.” Evan told me that the binary concept of a man or a woman (and nothing in between) is kind of like ice cream. They said,

“A long time ago, there were only two flavors of Ice cream: vanilla and chocolate. Growing up my favorite flavor was always vanilla. One day some lunatic decides to make caramel ice cream. I like it so much more than vanilla. Is vanilla still my favorite? Now there’s caramel.”

Just like ice cream, gender has changed. In the past, little girls were kind of like vanilla ice cream. We were told that girls wore pink dresses, had long, curly hair, played with dolls, and loved to bake and cook. Little boys were kind of like chocolate ice cream. We were told that boys wore blue overalls and flannel shirts, had short haircuts, played with trucks, and loved sports and the outdoors. But then we evolved. We let go of outdated social constructs. We added flavors of ice cream for both boys and girls to enjoy: mint, chocolate chip, and my favorite, pistachio. We learned that all flavors can be celebrated, no matter our own preferences.

Evan identifies under the transgender umbrella (pronouns: they/them/their). They told me that people who identify as transgender are often disregarded for their trans identities. A person identifying as a transman (assigned female at birth) would be considered lesbian, and a person identifying as transwoman (assigned male at birth) would be considered gay. There were only two flavors after all.

So let’s try this again. People identifying as transwomen(assigned male at birth) used to think they were gay men. Society said, “You are a gay man.” All of the sudden Kaitlyn Jenner and others said, “No I am a woman.” One woman I know didn’t come out as trans until she was 86. The invention of caramel ice cream changed her world. Older members (and younger folks too) can be afraid of the new flavors. (That’s why the ice cream shops give us those little tiny spoons so we can taste.) Whether we’re afraid or not, can we all agree that there is not just chocolate and vanilla anymore?

We know better. We do better. Love is love. Gender is not chocolate or vanilla. Let’s celebrate all the flavors . . . because everyone loves ice cream.